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Well, I pretty much lost it at my Mom's yesterday. Things change so much overnight. I felt pretty good heading over in the morning, but when I arrived the decline in just those few hours I was away were extreme. Mom couldn't help even as little as she had been able with moving from place to place, and I just couldn't handle it anymore - I called my sister, at home taking a break before her shift later in the day, and before I could even ask she said she was on her way - I guess she could hear the need in my voice. With two of us there it was much better and we could get Mom back into bed and settled without too much fuss.
After the stress of the day I contemplated staying home rather than heading to Scott's parent's for our biweekly family dinner, but decided to go anyway and that was the best thing I could have done. It was such a relief to be with a healthy, normal family for a change and I really enjoyed myself. I was able to let go and forget for a little while. I'm blessed to have Scott and his family for support through this. The ballet on Friday, and dinner last night (followed by a long anticipated bath, complete with bubbles and scented oil that Scott gave me Thursday), really helped to pull me through the times with Mom.
Lately I've been really focused on bodies. I look at myself in the mirror and compare myself to my Mom - I don't feel like I have too much 'extra' but my Mom has nothing - she's just skin and bones at this point. Sometimes I feel obscenely healthy...  
Today a bed opened up and Mom got admitted to Palliative Care. A huge relief. All of my sisters are home now, and I think we are just waiting for the end.

I'm planning to get some training in starting tomorrow morning. We'll see how things go from there.

oh darling. i did not know...i am so sorry. if you ever need anything give me a ring-a-ding dong and i am there.

i know what you mean with the body thing though. i think it is just the culture we live in.,,,,, i look at tomek and paddy at the shoppe and think...will i ever look that pretty..will i ever be that....ha ha

but seriously. no question. for beauty isn't something that pleases the eye, but in some manner touches the soul. - art cooper

keep chugging!
Thanks Shona. And thanks to all my 'silent' supporters too. Nothing need be said, I can feel you all out there and your strength helps hold me up.

Pretty like Paddy and Tomek?...I mean I know they're faster than me, but when standing still, come on.  I've still got hair for pete's sake. (Sorry guys, low blow.)

aw, geez...
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